Crumpled Notebook

So, my vacation is just around the corner. In fact, I may as well say I’m on vacation now, with the amount of work I’ll be doing the next couple of days (aside from Monday). I’m pretty excited. Two weeks off is going to be great! I’m picking up Ross tomorrow in San Jose. He’ll be here for a week, so that should be fun too. And of course, the big party is this Friday night…another exciting thing to look forward to.

Otherwise, I really really need to learn how to keep my mouth shut (or in this case, my typing fingers tied down). I feel like, in certain situations, like I’m a little kid who has to express every emotion and feeling that I have. The weird thing is that, in general, I don’t express my emotions. There are just those certain people that, love ‘em or hate ‘em, bring out every thought I’m having. So while I’m happy that I’ve gotten a lot better at expressing my opinions and feelings that I have ever been in my life, I really need to find some level of moderation and maturity about it.

So, I was talking to a friend of mine last night and how she’s one of the few people who actually read my blog on a regular basis. This got us to talking about reading random people’s blogs (since I mentioned it in my last post). I have a couple I read. She has a couple she reads. Both of the ones I read are annoymous blogs, which is kinda cool. It’s like a soap opera or something. One of the one I read is the guy who is married and whose wife is pregnant. However they are in an open relationship and he’s also bi-sexual. It makes for an interesting read, he sometimes gets very detailed. At which point, makes me embarrassed that I actually read it on a regular basis. It’s basically against everything that I believe, but I think that is what intrigues me so much-just to know there are these people out there, who do these things, and are so open about it (albeit in an anymous blog). I’m not going to post the link just because it’s my little secret that I don’t want to share, but that is my confession I guess. I also have a couple or three others I read of people I either don’t know, or aren’t really acquainted with. I did find another the other day that was interesting, to which I will post the link. It’s Davezilla.

Well, that’s about all I got on my mind tonight. Hope everyone has a good rest of week.

Well, I had another post by this title…and this one isn’t so much a “why” as just a statement that I have the most awesome friends in the world-and yes, I speak of both Kentucky and California. And, if you ever visit this site (even if you don’t) I probably consider you a friend. That is unless you are some random person who gets a kick out of reading strangers’ blogs (can’t imagine there are people like that…haha!).

Anyway, I’m feeling all sentimental today…I think it stems from being up all night at a church lock-in (I’m still digging peanut butter out of my ears).

It was bound to happen. Apparently Blockbuster is finally getting sued over their “no more late fees” campaign since they actually charge you for the movie after 30 days (which actually now that I see it, seems reasonable). Here’s the story. N.J. to hit Blockbuster with fraud lawsuit? - Feb. 18, 2005

Which Website are You?

I have felt/been so busy lately. Even when I am at home, I can’t enjoy it. My time here is so little that I can’t get any of the things done I need to…i.e. clean my room, so when I’m here, I can’t enjoy it cause I know there are things I should be doing, but I’m just too exhausted. So I come home, watch a little TV cause I always need to chill when I first get home, check my email and go to bed for the most part. There are nights like tonight that, sure, I could be cleaning, or doing things I need to be doing and not writing a blog, but who wants to do that kind of stuff at 11:30 pm. I think my biggest problem is I get too wrapped up in work and things like that. I’m at home, and I’m thinking about all the things I need or want to be doing at work. I can’t wait to go to bed, so I can get up and go back to work. Now, that’d all be great if it was because I totally loved my job (which I am quiet fond of but not enough to want to be there all the time–who is?) but I just can’t seem to relax when I’m at home. I’m always thinking about work, or CASA stuff or one of my 10 million extracurricular activities (Bible Study, teen Bible study, church, music practice, my second job). I’ve concluded that this probably isn’t healthy. But I also realize I tend to get really wrapped up in my work. I could totally see myself being a “workaholic” when I get older. I was doing it in college working part-time. I’d go on vacation and have to call the office to make sure I left all the information I needed too (as if they couldn’t function without little ol’ me). And that was in college! I did the same thing working at the jail. For a while, at least one of my two nights off was spent there for some part of it, whether it was just stopping by, bringing someone food, etc…. Now granted, what I do now is a little different. It’s not like I’m there on Saturdays and Sundays working. I quiet enjoy my peaceful weekends (mostly because I’m exhausted usually). So yeah, all this got me to thinking that me getting all wrapped up in work and CASA or anything that could be seen as “work” whether its my actual job or not, is probably some way of me not dealing with life in general. Not that life is bad. But if I don’t take time for myself, then I don’t have to worry about it getting bad cause I’ll be too busy to notice. I think that is what I’m afraid of. I’ve had a year full of turmoil this past year and now that it seems to have settled, I think I’ve thrown myself into too much stuff in order to avoid dealing with how I feel about all that stuff. Not that I want to quit anything I’m doing. I don’t. I like everything I’m doing…I think I just need to remember that I still have to take care of myself. We talked about that in CASA training tonight, how you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. This is not one of my strong suits (taking care of myself). I guess over the next few weeks I need to start figuring out how though before I run myself down and back into my ever consistent cycle.

Yeah, I guess that was a pretty deep blog. Deeper than normal anyway.