Crumpled Notebook

Well, out of fear of getting cut from Jeff’s blog, I decided to do a post. Although, as I pointed out to him, I have did like 3 this week. At any rate, just to keep those who may not know up-to-date, I’m going to post about my recent Soldier enrollment with The Salvation Army.

To put it in context, a Soldier is a member of The Salvation Army church. It’s a little different because officers/pastors of the church and some church members wear uniforms. I don’t know how much I’ll were mine, but that remains to be seen. Here is a little history behind the uniform. Soldiers also sign what is know as the Articles of War. The Articles of War is just basically our doctrines of what we belief and what we will do (or not do in some cases).

I enjoy the church because it is very similar to my church from back home in theory and practice for the most part. In fact, the founder of The Salvation Army was a Methodist minister before forming The Salvation Army. Here is some history about us. I guess what I like most about the Salvation Army is the whole theory of actually “helping” people. I mean, what an extreme idea…churches that actually help people. At some point, I read something or saw a video where William Booth, or his wife Katherine, said something to the effect of, “you must take care of man’s physical needs before you can meet his spiritual needs.” That just seems so simple and just makes so much sense, yet, it doesn’t happen a lot. And I’m not saying The Salvation Army is perfect in that sense, but at least that basis and background of wanting to do it is there. Unfortunately, most people don’t realize that it is a church. They just think of the thrift store or homeless shelters, etc…. But with that said, I guess it’s the first church I’ve been to that I really felt at home in. That I just felt close to God and that it was real. It’s not a large church (our church anyway), but the people who go there are committed to it. And most importantly, it’s the only church, other than my old church, that I’ve truely and honestly believed in what they believed and what they were doing. It’s the only church I’ve ever wanted to become an official member of. And it was my decision. I made the decision to be part of that church. It wasn’t like being 12 or 13 and joining my church at home because that’s where I went to church. I got to decide what my beliefs were and where I was going to choose to practice them in worship. So yeah, it’s only the 2nd of two churches that I’ve ever called “my church.” That’s a pretty awesome feeling.

Anyway, you should really read up on it if you don’t know much about them. At the very least, it is a great organization that I’m lucky to be part of and that does a lot of good for their communities.

If you are lucky, I may post some pictures of me in my uniform after it comes in. But yeah, I just wanted to share with everyone what I did over this past weekend.

Church bulletin insert from my Soldier enrollment this past Sunday. Bet Firefox has never been promoted in a church bulletin.

So as I mentioned in my last entry, I was thinking about some of the hardest things I’ve had to do. And I’m just talking about single event type things. Not like dealing with things over several months/years. Just one thing that was so hard, I didn’t think I could do it. And these aren’t so much like “climbing mount everest” type things, more of the personal, heart-felt things. So here we go: (I’m going to give a general statement on most of these. They refer to specific events, but I won’t go into detail about them).

1. Seeing my brother in a hospital bed with all kinds of tubes and IVs attached to him, not knowing for sure if he would wake up.

2. Telling someone I betrayed their trust.

3. Giving someone the ultimate ultimatum (which I didn’t follow through on, but at the time, I planned on it…which was the hard part).

4. Telling my family good-bye for the last time when I moved to California.

5. Letting go of something I love (this one could relate to a number of things I suppose).

I did one of the top 20 hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Maybe even top 10 or 15. But just to be safe, I’ll just say top 20.

I went to a party tonight and chose not to drink at all. This is not a rare thing for me. I’ve been to many parties without drinking, or drinking very little, especially over the past several months. However tonight was different. Since I’m doing my Soldier enrollment for church on Sunday, this was basically my last opportunity to drink alcohol. However, I made a decision that Wednesday night would be my last night. I made a decision to have my last drink, a super grande Margarita, with my friends from Bible study. I wanted it to be a nice chill time that I could remember and not be getting drunk while enjoying it. It seemed fitting to me to do it with them cause they are the people who encourage me in my endeavors. Not that my other friends, i.e. Vistas, don’t understand what I’m doing or anything, or even try to encourage me to drink anyway, but if I said I was going to, they wouldn’t question me on it. But it’s been cool cause they’ve all been very supportive and understanding of what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.

Anyway, tonight was just hard. I still had that freedom to drink without any committments yet not to. I really wanted to drink. I wanted to get drunk even and have a good ol’ time…one last time. And driving home, it hit me that I was my last opportunity to do it and I chose not to. I gave that option up.

But, the point is not to say, “oh poor Melissa” or to say it’s a bad/sad thing. It’s a good thing. Its something that excited me to just see and realize that “hey, this is something I’m committed to doing.” I mean, I knew that I was, but I wasn’t sure how I would deal with these situations when they came up. I had total freedom tonight to do what I wanted, and I didn’t. Not to say I still obviously don’t have freedom. I mean, I’m well over 21. If I walk into a bar and order a drink the bartender isn’t going to say, “you are a Salvation Army soldier and made a commitment to abstane from alcohol.” No, he’s going to give me my drink. However, I don’t plan on that ever happening. My thing was that, once I make a commitment to something, I go into with every intention to honor it. Sure, people screw up, make mistakes, but it’s still that lifestyle of excellence that I want to strive for.

Thinking about ranking this among the single event hardest things I’ve had to do got me to thinking about what some of them actually were. However, I believe that would have to be another entry at some point.

Okay, so I did what I said I wasn’t going to do and took down my “Dirty Secrets” responses. Most people I know, know them anyway, I don’t want them there as a constant reminder. I’d rather focus on the person I am now, rather than the person I was in the past. If you don’t know what post I’m talking about, you can email me and I’ll show you.

At any rate, as Jeff said the other night, confession is good for the soul, or something like that. So I’m going to make some “good” confessions. Yeah, it may not be as juicy, but the good things are so much more important that mistakes or bad things we’ve done. So here we go.

I prayed today.
I cried this week (more than once).
I’m an impatient person.
God likes to test my patience.
I’m tired of being single.
I have faith that God will take care of that.
I think I’m a forgiving person.
I’ve received more forgiveness and grace than I deserve, or that I’ve given.
I have the best friends in the world.
I’ve been the worst friend in the world to more than one person in my life.
One of those people is my best friend, even still.
I can sometimes be the most loyal, sweetest person I know.
I can be the biggest jerk I know.
I can be pretty darn funny.
I cross the line sometimes.
I push boundaries all the time.
My grandparents (both sets) are some of my best friends.
My parents are getting there.
I love my brother more than any other person.
I still think he’s 5 years old (he’s 19 now, going on 20).
I love my job.
Those difficult kids are the ones that make me love my job.
I’m turning into a computer geek.
I don’t mind.
I try to love people unconditionally.
Sometimes it hurts.
It’s always worth it.