Crumpled Notebook

What a dumb thing to say or even suggest you think that. I’m definately ready for 2008.

“WASHINGTON (AP) — The national anthem should be sung in English — not Spanish — President Bush declared Friday, amid growing restlessness over the millions of immigrants here illegally.”

Read the story here.

Okay, this is 3 separate entries all in one.

Love Monkey
Saw an episode of Love Monkey tonight on VH1. Apparently it was a cbs show that got cancelled. I don’t know. I rather liked it though. It has Tom Cavanagh, the guy from Ed, and Jason Priestly. It just seems kind of witty. Too bad it was cancelled.

Bible
I decided on the version of Bible I’m going to buy. I’m going with the English Standard Version (ESV). I still like the Contemporary English Version (CEV) a lot, but I think I have one of those laying around at work somewhere.

Love
So, during Love Monkey they were talking about “the one that got away” and the such. Made me think about how sometimes when we want someone so bad, but don’t get it. How do you get over that? I mean, obviously we all do. I have. Most people I know have had to do it. But I’m still not sure how it happens. I mean, you’re declaring your undying love for someone or something and three years later that person is but a faint memory. Okay, well, I’ve never declared my undying love for someone, but I’ve came close. It’s quiet interesting how the slightest little thing (or big thing even) can change the whole course of your life. What if you had really ended up with “the one that got away?” How would life be different? I mean, if I had ended up with either of the only two people I’ve ever said that I would have married, no questions asked (well, other than the “Will you marry me?”), I would probably be living in Eastern Kentucky playing mom or housewife or something. Wow. The thought. Or, I’d be, hm, I don’t know, that one would have never worked out. We’d be having fun though. Probably not have kids. Going to concerts all the time. Fighting over politics and still tormenting “the group” in our minds. But alas, those didn’t work out. In fact, I never even told either of those guys how I felt about them. I don’t really regret it. I figured if it was meant to be, it would have happened at some point. Ugh, housewife in Eastern Kentucky. I’m still shuttering at the thought. I didn’t at the time, but I am now. It’s amazing what a little Oatmeal Soap will do to you.

So, I used my oatmeal soap last night and this morning. It made my skin feel pretty smooth and moisturized, more than regular soap anyway. It actually smells like oats though, which kind of sucks. So far so good. The face is still flaking and peeling though, but I guess it’ll take some time. I call the process “Californication.”

Yep. That’s what I get for living in California. Granola. Or in this case, Oatmeal. Oatmeal Soap. Aveeno Oatmeal Soap to be exact. Some skin thing the Doctor tells me. Prescription shampoo and oatmeal soap. I think that makes me a freakin hippie, or something like that. I may as well stop shaving and become a vegetarian if I’m gonna bathe with oatmeal (not that there is anything wrong with vegatarians, it’s just not me at all). What would that old Quaker Oats man think of this?

I have a confession. You have to read on to hear it though.
You should also check out the things I link to in here as well. I
was listening to KLOVE tonight and
they were playing a radio segment with different pastors asking
"http://www.klove.com/redir.asp?/listen/?href=/stream.asp?href=/Audio/CloserLook/Segments/454.asf&title=Pastors+Roundtable%3a+Is+Church+Necessary%3f&author=Marya+Morgan&onespeed=True">
Is Church Necessary? Now, I know you are thinking I’m
going to say that I don’t think it’s necessary. Well, you’re wrong.
The general opinion of the segment, and my opinion is that church
is necessary. "http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews%2010:25;&version=46;">
Hebrews 10:25 says, “Some people have gotten out of the habit
of meeting for worship, but we must not do that. We should keep on
encouraging each other, especially since you know that the day of
the Lord’s coming is getting closer.” (CEV) I, for one, love going
to church. It keeps me accountable, it keeps me focused and it
keeps me in the habit ofworshiping God. Even when I’m not
particularly enjoying the service it still does me good because
then I have to remember that I’m not there for myself. I’m there to
worship and praise God. I’m there to encourage other people and to
build relationships. The segment talks about when things are going
good, it’s entirely possible to grow spiritually without a church.
But what happens when something bad happens? What happens when you
need spiritual guidance? If you don’t have a church family that you
are close to and can depend on, who are you going to go to for that
encouragement? Therefore, we should be doing that now. We should be
building those relationships now. Also, so not to be selfish, we
should also think about the other people that we can encourage by
being there. The ones that we can support when they are going
through a bad time. Of course, I know there are situations where
church isn’t a possibility. Sometimes people are sick, or can’t
drive, or have to work on Sundays because they have tosupport their
family. I’m just saying that if we are able and if it at all
possible, we should be in church. Not to say that we can’t miss a
Sunday from time to time, just that regular church attendance
edifies us, or it should. Which brings me to my second point and
the other part of the segment. A lot of people don’t go to church
because they’ve been hurt by a church. They’ve been outcast,
treated badly or just plain ignored. One of the points made in the
segment is that, yes, church is necessary, but church is not
perfect. Church is led my mankind, and we are not perfect. We make
mistakes. We get selfish. We want things our way. We get more
caught up in the show or the presentation of church, than the
actually worship. Let me say that again. I agree with it 100%.
Church is necessary, but church is not perfect. Here is my
confession. It’s actually a couple of confessions. I am someone who
has been hurt by church. This is new for me and I just realized it
tonight. The churches I’ve attended regularly (which has only been
two, with the exception of The Salvation Army) have spoiled me.
Granted, at my home church, I was a lot younger and didn’t know
anything different. However, I never remember feeling bad about
going there. I loved my church and it was part of the reason it
took me years to go to any other church, even after leaving for
college. I knew it would never compare. There is only one time, in
all of my years of attending that church that I felt hurt by it.
Not hurt personally, but hurt because my parents were hurt. They
left that church because of it too and I don’t blame them for that.
My second church, in Lexington, was good too. I was never connected
enough to be hurt by them, but I did form a good relationship with
the young adults there which was beneficial to me. Attending The
Salvation Army is the first time I’ve ever made a commitment to a
church besides my home church. I joined the church and became a
soldier. I’ve been attending this church for just over two years
now. If you read my blog regularly, or talk to me, "http://www.crumplednotebook.com/category/religion/">you probably
have noticed a pattern since October. I’ve been frustrated with
church. It’s progressively gotten worse, but I have a better handle
on what it is I don’t like and how to deal with it better. Yet,
it’s taken me all of this time, six months (or more) to be
exact to figure out that I’ve been hurt by church. I’ve been hurt
by not feeling listened to or heard. I’ve been hurt by being
overlooked. I’ve been hurt by people’s expectations, and lack of.
I’ve been hurt by lack of communication. I’ve been hurt by
inconsistencies. I’ve been hurt by people. But what do you do at
this point? I’ve sat here for six months trying to figure it out
and not saying anything other than “I need more” or “I need
something different.” Here is my second confession. I have, until
recently, expected church to be perfect. "http://www.crumplednotebook.com/end-user-mentality/">I have
expected church to meet my needs. I have learned however that
I have to meet my
own needs, with the help of the Lord that is. I’ve found ways
to make up for the things lacking from my church experience. Yes, I
still have hurt that I’m working on, but I’ve taken than to help me
grow spiritually. I’ve had to pick my battles and make hard
decisions about what is more important to me. I’m still making
those decisions day by day. It’s not easy, but hey, God never told
us it would be. It’s not a perfect system, after all, it is led by
mankind. But my goal is not to fit into the church’s imperfect box.
My goal is to live my life as Jesus did. That is the only thing
perfect I have to go on. I have to remember that church wasn’t
perfect in Jesus’ day either. That didn’t stop him though. He went.
He worshiped. He fellowshipped. And yes, he challenged people. So,
am I satisfied with church (my church or church in general)? Heck
no. But that doesn’t meant I can’t use it to benefit me and make me
stronger. That does mean I can challenge things. That does mean I
can fellowship and encourage others. That does mean I’m going to
continue mycommitment to Christ by going to church and accepting
that it’s not perfect, and it’s never going to be perfect.