Crumpled Notebook

If I lived in Las Vegas, I would have broken the law today….

I just read an article, or three about “the Las Vegas City Council voted unanimously this week to pass an ordinance making it illegal to give food to homeless people in city parks.” Heck, even the Brits are reporting it.

Apparently they are the first major city in the US to make helping people a crime, with a fine of up to $1000 and six month in the slammer!

Now, I’m sure they claim they don’t want to create a cycle, let people depend on it so they’ll never go out and do for themselves. If that was the case, they could come up with a better plan. Sadly, I’m pretty sure the city council in Las Vegas, and the complaining residents for that matter, are probably about as ignorant as the wonderful little of city of Monterey right here. Basically, Monterey doesn’t have homeless people (if you believe that, I got some land for you to buy too). I’m sure this is the same reasoning behind this Las Vegas thing. I mean, it’s Las Vegas. The land of hopes and dreams, shiney lights and tall buildings. Who wants homeless people entering that dream of fame and fortune? Apparently not the city.

According to the LA times article, apparently their homeless population has doubled in the past decade. With that, they have a lack of services provided, so volunteers go to parks and feed people. Seems to me the problem isn’t the volunteers feeding, but the fact that in a city with so much money, they apparently can’t provide some more services to help needy people.

My question is this. What does this say to people who actually have the desire to help people? I mean, I took my Teen Sunday School class out to the beach today with some sack lunches and we passed them out to the homeless that hang out around there. The kids were excited. They “felt good about doing it.” So what message are we sending to people like them? People who want to serve others? Sure, you can accept the consequences, pay the fines, spend the time in jail, but then soon enough, at $1000 a pop, you’re going to be homeless out there with them.

This seriously makes me want to barf. I also worry about the trend that it could set. I mean, here on the Peninsula, we already have to walk the line with the city about when and where we take the truck out to feed. Thank goodness for the Navy School allowing us to set up there.

I seriously don’t think I can ever go back to Las Vegas. Screw them.

So, jumping off the previous post, I also had some realizations about how I’m different personally, not just career-wise.

When I left Kentucky, I had spent just over 2 years in Lexington. I was a pretty unhappy person. I was unhappy at work and I was unhappy at home. Let me clarify something about my job though. I loved my job. I loved what I got to do, I just hated the environment and the restrictions. Working with the kids was great. Working at a jail sucked. When I left, it was my job that drove me away. It was hard to leave my family and friends, but I knew it had to be done. I had plenty of reasons to stay, and only one reason to go (unless you want to psychoanalyze the fact that it was probably just as much or more about running away from life). On the surface level, I could have left my crappy job, and not left the state. But hey, I was young and I wanted an adventure.

So fast forward to right now. Right now, I find that my job and my purpose here is what makes me stay here. Not that I’m eager to run off, but as I’ve mentioned before, initially, when I decided to stay an extra VISTA year, it was about the people and my life here. At some point, it became less about the people and more about the job or more so, the purpose. My purpose. It’s not to say that the people here are any less important, but on some levels I’ve changed. I don’t seem to need people as much. I think that is part of the consequence of being away from most of my family and friends for over 2 years. Let me tell you, it gets really hard to keep in touch with people. I was really good at it when I got here, but I suck at it now. I think part of it is that I’ve concluded that my life is here now. This is my home, not Kentucky. It’s easier to maintain relationships when you know that you’re going to be back with those people again at some point in the future. Now, I have friends that I don’t know if I’ll ever see them again.

Bad thing about Monterey is that a lot of people move away. I make relationships and then people leave. Either due to the military, marriage or just the plain fact that its an expensive place to live. I just feel like I have very few people attachments here, if any. Sure, I love my friends here, I’ve become much less of an attachment person. I don’t know if that is good or bad. Anyway, it’s just funny that I left one place because of my job primarily, and I stay in another (an expensive as heck place for that matter) for the same reason.

I think attachments are good in general, but my theory is that right now, it’s good for me not to feel attached. I think I could be being prepared for something that may need me to not have anything holding me back from doing what I need to do. I don’t think its anytime in the near future, but it could be lingering out there.

(This is gonna be a two-part entry)

It’s a funny thing. I’ve been thinking a lot about my job working at the jail lately. Not really for my own reasons, but it’s just came up a lot in conversation. Right now, I’ve been going through resumes for someone to replace our case manager, Armelle (who is moving on to bigger and better things). A few of the ones I’ve received have been from people who either work at jails or prisons, or have in the past. Everytime I see one, I think Why would they want to work here? and then remembering that Oh yeah, I used to work there too. I was also have a conversation with Keva about jails and correctional officers and people who work there. I have to tell you, I have some pretty strong bias about people who work there. But at least, looking at the resumes, I can reason it to the fact that maybe they want a change or different environment, much like I did when I left that place.

At any rate, I was thinking about it today and I realized how so much happier I am with my work these days than I was then. I mean, I’ll be the first person to admit that the job I have now, I didn’t even want to apply for in the beginning. Susan (my predecessor) had to talk me into it. By the time I actually did decide to apply, I was a little more hopeful that it would be something I would like. But I still had my doubts. I even said during my interview that “housing” wasn’t really my thing. I was scared to death upon being offered the job. I was scared I was out of my league and getting in over my head. But I was also scared even more that I would hate it. I was scared that I would get stuck in a job that I hated and that was boring and that I had no passion about. Now, there have been times I felt out of my league and that I was in WAY over my head, but overall, I’ve managed well. What hasn’t happened is me hating the job. The cool thing is that I haven’t had to really give up much of anything that I already knew I was passionate about, I’ve just found ways to include that and also had my eyes opened even more to things that I care about.

The point is, I am a completely different person than I was then. If you would have told me when I was 18 years old, or even 25 years old, that I would be doing what I’m doing now, I would have laughed at you and said no way. Even when I moved here 2 1/2 years ago, while I was little more unsure as to where my life was going, there is no way you could have convinced me of this.

It’s just funny how things work out. Who knows what I’ll be doing in another 10 years, but I can tell you, I’d actually be happy to know it was something closer to what I’m about now, than what I was about when I worked at the jail and lived in Lexington.

I was reading a verse out of 1 Samuel today that really struck me. 1 Samuel 15:22.

Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices,as in obeying the voice of the Lord?Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,and to listen than the fat of rams.

I think people get caught up too much sometimes in “sacrificing” than just plain obedience. I know I do sometimes. Kinda makes you wonder, after all we say and do, if we really are any better than the pharisees. I don’t think the verse underestimates the importance of sacrifices, I think they are necessary, but usually a sacrifice is something we don’t necessarily want to do. How does that really prove our love for God? Doing something because we’re supposed to or its the right thing to do, or just makes sense, or we’re told to do it, just seems so unpure. Its still better than not doing what God asks us. However, I’d rather strive for something better, something more holy. I think I’d rather do things out of love and out of wanting to worship and serve my Lord and be happy about it. I think that’s the kind of love God wants too. I don’t think He wants us to love him because we “should”, because He’s our creator, and to go out on a limb, even because He died for our sins. Loving someone because of what they have or can do for you isn’t real love. Yes, doing things is a way to express love, but that shouldn’t be why we love someone. I think He wants us to love Him because we’ve developed a relationship and have fallin’ madly in love with Him. I think if we do that, obedience will come natural.

I’m in Seattle folks. I left Friday evening to drive up here (yep, I said drive). Heather (Tedd and Cindy’s daughter) rode up with me so we stopped at their cabin Saturday when we got here and I stayed the night there. It’s in Shelton, WA. It was very cool. The island is on the sound. It reminded me a lot of home and the lakes and stuff. Anyway, Sunday I met up with Ross in Bremerton and took the ferry over to Seattle. It was a nice ride. It’s been really hot, like in the 90s hot.

So yeah, if I don’t blog this week, that’s why (not that I have recently anyway).