Crumpled Notebook

I’m making a list.

All you “list-making” people can rejoice. But just remember, I still think they are stupid and not a means to make any decisions by.

"http://www.amazon.com/God-Politics-Right-Wrong-Doesn/dp/0060834471/sr=1-1/qid=1158245070/ref=sr_1_1/102-0386463-7611361?ie=UTF8&s=books">
God’s Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn’t
Get It. That’s the title of the book I just ordered. I am
almost finished with Blue Like Jazz and still enjoying it.
I’ll write something about it when I finish. This book has been on
my wishlist for a couple months not (God’s Politics), so I’m
anxious to read it. It got great reviews. We shall see. I also
downloaded the new BNL cd today from iTunes, "http://www.amazon.com/Barenaked-Ladies-Are-Me/dp/B000H1RG2M/sr=8-1/qid=1158245427/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-0386463-7611361?ie=UTF8&s=music">
Barenaked Ladies Are Me. Now I just have to get it on my iPod.
So far I like it (which, of course I would, it’s just my favorite
band).

I’m in a mood tonight. I just got through telling one of my best friends that I don’t think she should move to Japan to be with her boyfriend. She is set to leave in about one month. Already bought the plane ticket, put in her notice at her job, etc…And to top it off, I don’t really have that much of a good reason. I just don’t want her to be dissatisfied with her life (even though they would only be there one year–well, less that one year now).

I also talked to a new guy on the phone tonight. We’ve been corresponding on eHarmony for several weeks now. Tonight was our first phone conversation. We talked about an hour. He seems like a nice guy. We’re going to try and meet up in a couple weeks. What is weird is that Monday night I was freaking about because he told me that he had met another person on eHarmony that happens to be one of my co-workers and that I go to church with. How messed up is that? Not just any old person, it had to be “that” person–you know, the last person you would want your boyfriend or whoever to have dated. Nothing against her. I’m just a prideful person that way. Don’t get me wrong, I can see how they were matched. They seem to have similar personalities, and they are both great people. But come on, I have my matches set to “anywhere in the world” and I get matched and end up liking a guy that she met. Today I decided I could deal with it. I talked to her. She told me he was a cool guy, just that it didn’t click. Thats fine. I don’t suspect we have the same taste in guys anyway. But in general, I think its just weird. I’m not sure how I’d feel about it if we did actually start dating. But at the very least, so far, so good. We had a nice conversation tonight and I am looking forward to getting to know him more.

Which leads me to decide that I need to quit stringing along with 2-3 guys at a time. Not dating or doing anything else with. Just talking. But the talking keeps me distracted enough that I don’t have to worry about getting too emotionally attached to any of them. Good in the sense that I don’t move to fast. Bad in the sense that either they end up getting bored/frustrated wit me, or I get bored with them. I don’t’ take the time to get to know them and focus on the potential like I should. Yeah, I know, its all my defensive mechanisms going up to keep me from getting too close to people. So, I’ve decided that I’m just going to focus on one guy–this eHarmony guy, until I figure out if we have any potential or not.

We’ll see how that works out.

So, I was reading through an old email to Crystal tonight and found a link to an old blog post from June 19, 2005 (last year). It was called “Good Confessions”…wanted to see how many of these I still think is true.

At any rate, as Jeff said the other night, confession is good for the soul, or something like that. So I’m going to make some “good” confessions. Yeah, it may not be as juicy, but the good things are so much more important that mistakes or bad things we’ve done. So here we go.

I prayed today. I haven’t prayed today yet…only 25 more minutes of today left too…:(
I cried this week (more than once). I have not cried this week, but I wanted to last night.
I’m an impatient person. Yep, still impatient
God likes to test my patience. Still testing it
I’m tired of being single. Hm, not so much
I have faith that God will take care of that. Still have faith, most days
I think I’m a forgiving person. Maybe I’m not as much as I think I am
I’ve received more forgiveness and grace than I deserve, or that I’ve given. Still true
I have the best friends in the world. Still true
I’ve been the worst friend in the world to more than one person in my life. Definately still true
One of those people is my best friend, even still. yep
I can sometimes be the most loyal, sweetest person I know. yep :)
I can be the biggest jerk I know. No, I AM the biggest jerk I know
I can be pretty darn funny. Yep, I’m still pretty darn funny…heh
I cross the line sometimes. I cross the line all the time almost
I push boundaries all the time. Still pushing boundaries, although I’ve accepted that they are good sometimes
My grandparents (both sets) are some of my best friends. So True
My parents are getting there. Eh….
I love my brother more than any other person. Definately still true
I still think he’s 5 years old (he’s 19 now, going on 20). He’s 21 now, and yes, I still think he’s 5
I love my job. New job. Yes, I love it too.
Those difficult kids are the ones that make me love my job. Well, no kids, but I still agree with this statement
I’m turning into a computer geek. I am a computer geek
I don’t mind. Still don’t mind
I try to love people unconditionally. Yep
Sometimes it hurts. A lot of times it hurts
It’s always worth it. Hm, I’m not so sure its always worth it anymore.

So, I’m still reading "http://www.amazon.com/Blue-Like-Jazz-Nonreligious-Spirituality/dp/0785263705/sr=8-1/qid=1157834587/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-0386463-7611361?ie=UTF8&s=books">
Blue Like Jazz. I got it last week, started reading and
couldn’t put it down. But when I did, I haven’t had time to start
again. I’m about half way through and so far, so good. I really
like it. I’ve also been listening to "http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=47175537">
Gnarls Barkley. I really like their sound. I came across them,
not realizing they sang the “crazy” song, which I really like. So I
started listening to some other stuff of theirs. You should check
them out. While we’re on music, later this month, I’m heading up to
Santa Cruz for a concert. The headlining band is Good Charlotte,
but also playing with them is "http://www.myspace.com/thepinkspiders">The Pink Spiders. The
bassist, Jon Decious is the brother of one of my real good friends
Kelly, so I’m going up to support. They kind of have a punk feeling
to them. Some very cool songs that I’ve heard. They actually
recently (like maybe a year ago) signed with a major record label,
Geffen, so hopefully they’ll keep gaining some more listeners. If
you’d like to go with me to this concert, it’s 7:30 pm Sept 26 at
The
Catalyst in Santa Cruz. I think tickets are $18 or something
online. If ya go, I’ll buy you a drink. Otherwise, I had dinner
with a friend last night who is moving up to Santa Cruz to go to UC
Santa Cruz. Pretty exciting stuff. Anyway, we had dinner with a
couple of his friends at this place called "http://ajspurs.com/">AJ Spurs in Marina. It’s a steakhouse.
It’s pretty expensive, but was definitely worth it. It was hands
down the best meal I’ve had since I moved here. Possibly the best
steak I’ve ever had. Everyone’s steak was good. We all tasted each
others. They give you a ton of food too. It’s a place I definitely
want to go back to (although not too much as it would get quiet
expensive). It was also funny too cause after that I told my friend
that I used to have this little crush on him when we worked
together. Not like a “oh, I want to date you” crush…but just he’s
a fun guy to be around. It was funny. I’m pretty sure he
appreciated the compliment :) But yeah, what a scandal that
would’ve been if we had of actually gone out…haha! So, to recap,
read Blue Like Jazz, listen to Gnarls Barkley, go see The Pink
Spiders, and eat at AJ Spurs. And tell those random people you have
crushes on them. It’s actually kinda fun.