Crumpled Notebook

So a couple weekends ago I went to Great America for Joyfest.
While I was there I rode a few rollercoasters. Now, if you know me,
you know that I generally don’t ride rollercoasters. I’m terrified
of heights. The worst part about it I think though is that first
climb up the hill. You know what I’m talking about.
Click…click…click…click…pause…and then blood curling
screams for the remainder of the ride. It’s not even the clicks
that bother me as it is the pause. It’s the pause right before you
are released, set free from anything controlling you or that piece
of metal you are in. Or, as some might call it–GRAVITY. I’ve also
been listening to "http://www.amazon.com/gp/search?ie=UTF8&keywords=john%20mayer%20continuum&tag=crumplednoteb-20&index=music&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325">
John Mayer’s Continuum "http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=crumplednoteb-20&l=ur2&o=1"
width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style=
"border:none !important; margin:0px !important;" /> CD lately (on a
side note, it’s a great CD and I think you should take a listen to
it if you haven’t–even if you don’t like John Mayer). Anyway, back
to the point. One of the songs on the CD is called Gravity
which is what got me to thinking about these two
things–rollercoasters and gravity. Where am I going with this,
you’re probably asking yourself? Here’s where I’m going. I was
thinking about that feeling of the first drop on the rollercoaster
and the lack of control you have and the obvious force of gravity
that you feel. I also remembered a recent experience I had at the
Aggressive Christianity Conference that I meant to include in my
blog and forgot. Friday night, during the General’s talk, I had the
exact same feeling. He asked us if there was anything that
kept pulling on us, any reoccurring thing that kept coming up. If
you remember, the talk was about about being obedient to God.
Why couldn’t I just submit to His will? Why couldn’t I just do
what he’s asking me? Why did I need a map and a clear picture of
where I was going? Didn’t I trust Him enough to lead me there?
Those were the thoughts going through my head. So that night, I
made a decision to take that ride. To just sit down, strap in and
prepare myself. To forget about the gravity. I mean, isn’t that
what stops us from doing a lot of things. We’re afraid of falling
and of getting hurt. If there wasn’t this metaphoric (or literal)
gravity, we wouldn’t have to worry about it. We’d be jumping from
rooftop to rooftop. We’d be be attempting to fly. We’d be riding
rollercoasters. If we didn’t have gravity, it would be like a
safety net for us. We wouldn’t have to worry about falling or
failing or about getting hurt. Aren’t those the things that keep us
away from most things? Away from trying new things, away from
standing up for yourself, away from relationships? We’re so afraid
that we don’t take risks with ourselves. Many times, we won’t even
take risks for God. But here is the cool part I just realized
(well, I already knew, but sometimes I need reminded). We don’t
need a safety net. Christ is our safety net. At least when it
comes to the things that He is calling us to do. So, you’re
probably wondering what this means for me, what big conclusion I
came to that Friday night, what big ride I decided to take (and
even if you weren’t wondering I’m going to tell you). Actually,
there is no big answer here. I know that God has been pulling on me
for a while. I’ve felt pulled in two different directions. I think
I finally got some clarity in which way I’m supposed to go. Does
that mean I know where I’m going? Nope. But I’m a little closer.
And I’m ready for whatever He does have in store for me. I’m
sitting in that rollercoaster ready to go. I’m still a little
scared, but the thing about rollercoasters is that usually they
aren’t as bad as you imagine it might be–at least for me. I just
know that it is going to require my continued patience and
obedience. Do I want to share where I think I’m going? No. Not
right now. Not here anyway. You can ask me, and I might tell you.
But then again, I might not. Does that mean I have a big change
coming up for me? Not necessarily. Not anytime soon anyway, I’m
pretty sure about that. Right now, I am right where I need to be,
and luckily, where I want to be. Here is the entire song lyrics to
Gravity. It’s just so fitting. Be sure to actually read
them. Here is my favorite parts: Gravity, stay the hell away
from me Just keep me where the light is

Gravity, is working against me And Gravity, wants to
bring me down Oh, I’ve never known what makes this man With all the
love that this heart can stand Dream of ways to throw it all away
Whoa, Gravity is working against me And Gravity, wants to bring me
down Oh, twice as much aint twice as good And can’t sustain like
one half could It’s wanting more that’s gonna set me to my knees
Twice as much ain’t twice as good And can’t sustain like one half
could It’s wanting more that’s gonna set me to my knees Whoa
Gravity, stay the hell away from me And Gravity, has taken better
man than me Now how can that be Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is

It’s a good day for Democrats, or at least anyone kind of tired of politics we’ve been subjected to the past 4–6 years.

Not that I’m anti-Republican. I’m not. I even voted for Arnold. Yep, I’ll tell you that and have no problems with saying it.

I’m just saying that something obviously hasn’t been working, so a change is a breath of fresh air.

So, I was playing around with some music stuff tonight, and decided to record just the vocals of me singing a song (I could hear the music, it just wasn’t being recorded). I have to say that every single person who knows me and has heard me sing and has never told me how horrible of a singer I am is in big, BIG trouble!

I had a great opportunity this past weekend to attend the Aggressive Christianity Conference in San Francisco. Let me start off by saying that I don’t believe there could be a better place in the States to have a conference like that. Humanity is all around you in San Francisco.

The opening session started off as many Salvation Army events do. The PraiseWorks band did a great job of getting everyone excited and ready to begin our mission for the weekend. By the time General Gowans spoke there was something in the air. Something that could only be attributed to the Holy Spirit moving in there. Something that made you forget there were nearly 300 other Salvationist in the room with you.

General Gowans theme Friday night was obedience. He talked about how it was better than sacrifice and even better than worship. He spoke about how we could do all the things for the Lord that we wanted, but if we weren’t doing what He was asking us to do, even the smallest thing, then we weren’t being obedient to His will. For me, this was the most powerful part of the weekend and the perfect way to start.

Over the course of the weekend we heard several people speak. People who all had amazing stories. People who were obedient to God and stepped out on faith, against their better judgment and out of their comfort zone. Among the speakers, perhaps the most dynamic was Michael Collins who took “aggressive Christianity” to a new level. He’s a very animated, in-your-face speaker, but does so in a manner that makes him easy to relate to.

We also heard amazing stories of God at work during Saturday afternoon outreaches. The most interesting of these I heard was about the group that came head to head with war protesters during their open air. The general feeling was that there was something working against them–a force that didn’t want them to be there. However, they stayed faithful to their chosen mission that day, as faithful soldiers do, and proceeded in spite of the chaotic surroundings and the hundreds of people gathered on the street.

The presentation of “Joe the Turk” by Major Edward Hobgood was no less exciting. It was a good history lesson and example of an aggressive Christian. It reminded me of how lucky we have it today that we can worship how and when we want, but also how much weaker we have become. We’re an Army in 110 countries yet our churches sit empty Sunday after Sunday.

I also had the opportunity to attend a workshop by Corey Harrison called “The De-Evolution of The Salvation Army.” Corey is the guy who gave us the modernized version of Catherine Booth’s Aggressive Christianity. Corey is also a guy who turned down a job of being a Divisional Youth Secretary in London, England and moving his family into a homeless shelter in Chattanooga, TN. If that isn’t extreme and aggressive, I don’t know what is. He shared with us how he brings in homeless people from the street, recently clean drug addicts, and brings them into his home, the apartment above the shelter, and lets them live with him and his family.

God really took some time to humble me and convict me during the weekend as well. He forced me to open my eyes to the world around me. That conviction hit me hard on Sunday morning. After a spirit-filled weekend I still chose to look away. Before the workshop Sunday morning I went to Starbucks to get a latte. On my way in the door a homeless man asked me for spare change. I shook my head like I didn’t have any and turned away. Here I was, Bible in hand, proudly wearing my new Salvation Army shirt that says “Saved to Serve”, walking into Starbucks to spend $3 on a single drink, and I ignored one of God’s children. One of my own brothers. God stood in my path and I denied Him and ignored Him.

One of the questions posed during the Action Summit was “what do we do with what we’ve learned here?” What was encouraging to me was that even though all of our Corps have different needs and concerns and problems, we all had faith, and a fire sparked in us that we knew a difference could be made. We made connections with each other. We got to know each other–other people that can remind us and encourage us in our mission to be more aggressive Christians.

A great verse to serve as a reminder of our call as Christians is Matthew 10:5-16.

Jesus sent his twelve harvest hands out with this charge: “Don’t begin by traveling to some far-off place to convert unbelievers. And don’t try to be dramatic by tackling some public enemy. Go to the lost, confused people right here in the neighborhood. Tell them that the kingdom is here. Bring health to the sick. Raise the dead. Touch the untouchables. Kick out the demons. You have been treated generously, so live generously.
“Don’t think you have to put on a fund-raising campaign before you start. You don’t need a lot of equipment. You are the equipment, and all you need to keep that going is three meals a day. Travel light.
“When you enter a town or village, don’t insist on staying in a luxury inn. Get a modest place with some modest people, and be content there until you leave.
“When you knock on a door, be courteous in your greeting. If they welcome you, be gentle in your conversation. If they don’t welcome you, quietly withdraw. Don’t make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and be on your way. You can be sure that on Judgment Day they’ll be mighty sorry—but it’s no concern of yours now.
“Stay alert. This is hazardous work I’m assigning you. You’re going to be like sheep running through a wolf pack, so don’t call attention to yourselves. Be as cunning as a snake, inoffensive as a dove.”

So this week has been weird. I’ve felt like it was Monday three times this week…only one of those days actually being Monday (obviously). I felt like it on Tuesday on my first back to work after the Aggressive Christianity Conference. I also felt like it today. I’m not sure why except I was out of the office yesterday for a HMIS/HUD meeting in San Francisco.

Today was pretty stressful for some reason. It felt like things were just hitting me from every way possible. Part of it was work, part of it was just my personal life, but boy, when it rains, it pours around here. But you what, it’s okay. The joy of the Lord is my strength :) That, and about 30 balls at the batting cages made it all kind of just disappear.