Crumpled Notebook

I’m sitting here watching Sam (my cat) as he is bird watching right now. He makes such funny noises, and they are all different depending on what he is watching. Where we just moved from, it was mainly other cats he would see, so I haven’t heard the bird noises in a while. When he is cat watching, he makes hissing and growling noises. When he is bird watching, he’s almost like drooling and his mouth shakes, like he’s going to eat them up when he catches them–and make no mistake about it…he CAN catch a bird. He has many times. The birds of Contra Costa street better start locking up their children in those nests.

On a related note, I’ve been moving this weekend. In case you don’t know. I have a new job starting June 4th as the Corps Assistant here still at The Salvation Army. It’s different from my current job doing housing in that my main focus will be on ministry for the Corps, assisting the Corps Officers/Pastors, and doing youth programs. I’m actually really excited about it, but I’m not sure how well I’ve been able to communicate that or display it to most people. The announcement to the church was made last Sunday and to the staff here last Monday. Since then, I’ve rarely brought it up unless someone specifically asked and even then, kept it pretty brief. I think it’s because I just feel so lucky and almost undeserving, and yes, blessed, that I don’t want to chance for one second making it about me. It really is a God thing and I want it to be about Him and how he can use me. I guess the part that makes me uncomfortable is that, right now, at this moment, I couldn’t picture much of anything, job-wise, that would make me happier. I have a great job, that happens to include an apartment–a newly remodeled apartment at that, and I feel so undeserving of that. I feel like God just as easily could haved called me to live in some village in Africa and I wonder how open and receptive I would have been to that calling. So, for me to follow what I hope and believe is God’s will (and that hopefully the Lowcocks believe too or they wouldn’t have hired me), and to be so blessed doing things I love, working with people I love and living in a great place (both the apartment and just this beautiful area), just seems so unfair. Yes, I realize someone has to do it. I just feel like I don’t deserve to be that person sometimes.

Perhaps God knows I probably couldn’t cut it in the heat of Africa or wherever without any internet and the conviences of our American life…who knows?