Crumpled Notebook

I was just searching back through some old email for something, and started reading random emails. One of them I read was from September of 2005. It was an email to my entire bible study, which on the off-set, isn’t that surprising. However, what i said in it, was pretty surprising, at least for me to say it to all of them.

Anyway, I’m not going to repeat it here, but I was reading it, and seeing how unhappy I was then, and was remembering how much that used to be a part of my life. I mean, not just unhappiness, but the depressed part of it. The scared part of it. The “all but given up” part of it. The fact that I was going to just sit back and wait on life to do whatever it wanted to me.

Reading it was depressing actually. It was sad to see me, that just about 1 1/2 years before that I made this big move to come out here and be happy, and I still wasn’t.

I guess the cool part is that I’m in a far better place. I think I’d actually say I’m really happy with my life. It’s not a new thing either. I think it’s been that way for a bit now. I’m not sure what did it exactly. I’ll have to think on that one. But it’s just shocking to me, to see myself, change so much. To go from someone without any purpose, to someone full of purpose. To going from someone who didn’t have any real reason to get out of bed, to someone who wishes I didn’t have a reason just one day :)

Anyway, I could blab about this forever, but I won’t.

Wow. I think that is the only word to use. And I thought the Giants losing by 10 to the Pirates was bad. I think it’s safe to say that it’s Raining in Baltimore tonight.

 Tigers vs Orioles 30–3

Ever been Googled? I get Googled from time to time. Apparently though, I unknowningly Google myself a lot. I was just looking through my web history trends on my Google account and “melissa felkins” is my top search query since they made keeping search history automatic.

Does that make me vain? Paranoid? Weird? My theory is none of the above (not to say I’m none of those). Actually for a while, I had reason to Google myself constantly. Almost every night to make sure I knew what would happen if someone else Googled me. I think it’s not a bad thing. It’s always good to know whats out there on the web about yourself. So yeah, if you want to see what I apparently enjoy looking at, take a look at my Google search query.

Melissa Felkins 

All but 2 of them in the first four pages reference me, or something I did (pg 3 and pg 4 have one each that isn’t me…some chick in Texas).

Ok, this is my “every year I do this” breakdown of what is going on in baseball (ya know, besides Bonds breaking the HR record).

Lets start with my least favorite league, the American League:

• Red Soxs got a decent lead on the East division, with 5.5 game lead on the Yanks
• Cleveland and Detroit are neck and next, with the Indians up by 1/2 game. But really, who cares about a division that includes Kansas City, Chicago White Soxs, and minnesota (in addition to the other 2 teams)
• Rounding out the AL west is the Angels, up 2.5 games on Seattle..should be a good one to follow

Okay, on to the National League (which isn’t all the impressive this year):

• East: Mets are handling Philly, but only by 5 games
• Central: As of right now, Cubs and Brewers are tied up…with both teams playing right now, not to each other though (cubs losing, brewers tied). Best shot for the Cubs since 2003 Jeff tells me. If they don’t win their division, they won’t stand a chance for wildcard. Keep the dream alive Cubbies fans.
• Update: Cubbies won tonight, Brewers Lost…Cubbies got a 1 game advantage
• West: eh, who cares. Giants are dead last. 3rd worst team in baseball this season, but sold a butt-load of tickets. Maybe they can buy some decent players next year. For real though, AZ got 3 games up on San Diego. I’d prefer the Padres, but as long as it’s not the Dodgers, doesn’t matter.

Wildcard AL, I call the 2nd place of Seattle and Angels

Wildcard NL, I call Atlanta (only because the Padres star pitcher seems to be out indefinitely)

Just figuring up. I’ve lived in California exactly 3 years and 7 months as of today. That is longer than I spent in Lexington (2 years, 4 months), and nearly as long as the 4 years I spent at WKU and in high school, each. It really doesn’t seem that long. Seems like yesterday really, as cliche as that sounds.

I was just telling Ross tonight that it seems like I have a completely different life. It’s really weird to think about. I guess because this is probably the last place I ever thought I would end up. I certainly didn’t plan on staying. I remember telling my family, “it’s only for one year.” Then, by the 2nd year, “just one more year.” Of course at that point, I already had a good idea I was going to stay around if I could.

Sometimes wonder where I’d be if I’d actually went home after that first year. Or, even if I’d never moved here. I actually have a theory about that one, but I’ll save it for another time.

I need to go home for a visit soon.