Crumpled Notebook

So, it’s around 2:30am. Not sure why I’m still up, other than watching about 5 episodes of Dexter tonight. I was tired earlier, but I’ve been tired pretty much all week. I’ve been sleeping in a bit, been tired at work and tired when I get home. Not sure why. Not really sleeping much, as is apparent by tonight. Bad this is tomorrow I actually have a morning meeting.

One one hand, for once in a long while, I’m finally managing a good balance between work and home life. I may even go out on a limb and say that work is just work for me lately (the daily tasks kind of things, not the meaningful, relationships, and church stuff). I actually can’t say that’s ever been the case for me. It’s kind of nice actually. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I don’t see it as a “job.” I truly feel it’s what I’m called to be doing right now and I know that ministry goes beyond a 9-5 kind of job. But the things I’m talking about is the stuff that fill up a good portion of my day. Emails, paperwork, phone calls, planning, organizing, etc…. Anyway, like I said, on one hand, it’s kind of a good thing that I’ve been kind of filling up my non-work life with other interesting things. Things that aren’t new, but I feel like in the past couple of months I’ve kind of re-newed my interest in certain things, like writing, reading, tv shows that actually stimulate my mind, and just in general, thinking. When I was a lot younger, I used to think a lot…about everything. I’d write about it too. Not that I stopped thinking, but most it is just my problems or whatever is currently going on. I stopped daydreaming and analyzing myself to some degree. I kind of left the “gray” world for a while for the black and white world. Like, I love computer stuff, but it’s all very logical, right or wrong, kind of thing to me. It’s something you can control to some degree. Anyway, I’m losing my thought here…it’s just different. I feel like a teenager right now.

Which brings me to the other hand. I’m totally not sleeping. For a long time I always had trouble sleeping, even until after moving out here. My problem was that my mind would just go all night long. I told you about the sheep, right? Well, it’s kind of like that. So, now that my old self and new self are kind of merging, I’m getting back part of that racing thoughts, sleepless nights. I’m not so sure that is a good thing.

Yeah, this post probably made entirely no sense at all. I don’t care because I can’t sleep.

So, I’ve been unpacking, right? You find interesting stuff when you do that. I was flipping through a notebook to determine whether to trash it or not and found this. It looks like the intro to a speech I was working on for a class I was taking during my last few months working at the jail. If I remember correctly, I think I scrapped it and gave a speech for the class on something else. Anyway, here it is:

It was the day I’d waited for most of my life. I had just sworn that I’d never been part of a duel and was now a sworn law enforcement officer in the state of Kentucky. Maybe it wasn’t exactly as I had imagined. I had assumed it would always be in the context of being a police officer or federal agent, not a corrections officer. But it was an important step in achieving my dreams, I figured. Besides, I still had a badge and was allowed to carry a gun if I wanted. That’s what I had figured it was all about.

That’s it. I don’t know what came next, or what was supposed to come next. Probably something about how that really wasn’t what it was about in the long run. I also jotted down the names of some of the kids from the jail that perhaps would have been part of what I was writing. Who knows?

Go to Kentucky.

This was a sponsored link in my gmail this morning. Click to see full size so you can read it.

I like writing. I think my writing is the truest expression of who I really am. It actually reveals quiet a bit about me if you pay attention, and I enjoy revealing things that way. Every now and then I like doing those “about me” post things…things you probably didn’t know (or maybe do). So, I’ll take a little bit of the guesswork out of finding out something maybe interesting about me (or maybe not interesting).

Here you go. 527 thinks you may not know about me. Okay, maybe not 527. Probably far less than that. But I don’t know how many right now.

1. I have this weird obsession with serial killers and stuff like that. I actually had forgotten how much I enjoyed studying and reading about it until I watched Zodiac the other night. Now I’m into that show Dexter. It has rekindled my flame. Don’t worry. It’s a good obsession.

2. The most irreplaceable possession I have is a stuff animal that I’ve had since I was 2 or 3. His name is Casey Jones. He’s a dog in a train engineer uniform. Casey Jones was actually a real person, and has a quiet fascinating story. I should go to the museum.

3. I generally put on my socks and shoes like this: sock, shoe, sock, shoe. I’m told that isn’t normal. That most people put on both socks and then both shoes. I only do that if I have the occasion to put on my socks a bit before I plan to put on shoes, or if they are in a different room.

4. I’m addicted to cell phone ringtones. I’m probably not as bad as a lot of people, but probably worse than most people I know.

5. I used to carry around this red notebook in high school. I’d take it everywhere. It got beat up pretty bad. Hence the “Crumpled Notebook” website name.

6. When I was growing up, there was only ever 2 things I really ever wanted to be: an FBI agent and a writer. How I ended up doing what I do now is a mystery to me.

7. My favorite part of going to the movies is the Previews.

8. I’ve lived in at least 8 states (so I’m told). Maybe more.

9. I have 5 siblings (Stew, 2 half sisters–Christy and Tasha, 2 half brothers–James and Richard, who are twins). Alisha still doesn’t believe me. I don’t blame her, but it’s true.

10. I change soda preference based on what it is served in. Mt. Dew in a bottle (plastic), Pepsi in a glass, Coke in a can.

11. I had perfect attendance at school in 2nd grade. That was the only year.

12. The number 12 is my favorite number.