Crumpled Notebook

So, it’s around 2:30am. Not sure why I’m still up, other than watching about 5 episodes of Dexter tonight. I was tired earlier, but I’ve been tired pretty much all week. I’ve been sleeping in a bit, been tired at work and tired when I get home. Not sure why. Not really sleeping much, as is apparent by tonight. Bad this is tomorrow I actually have a morning meeting.

One one hand, for once in a long while, I’m finally managing a good balance between work and home life. I may even go out on a limb and say that work is just work for me lately (the daily tasks kind of things, not the meaningful, relationships, and church stuff). I actually can’t say that’s ever been the case for me. It’s kind of nice actually. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I don’t see it as a “job.” I truly feel it’s what I’m called to be doing right now and I know that ministry goes beyond a 9-5 kind of job. But the things I’m talking about is the stuff that fill up a good portion of my day. Emails, paperwork, phone calls, planning, organizing, etc…. Anyway, like I said, on one hand, it’s kind of a good thing that I’ve been kind of filling up my non-work life with other interesting things. Things that aren’t new, but I feel like in the past couple of months I’ve kind of re-newed my interest in certain things, like writing, reading, tv shows that actually stimulate my mind, and just in general, thinking. When I was a lot younger, I used to think a lot…about everything. I’d write about it too. Not that I stopped thinking, but most it is just my problems or whatever is currently going on. I stopped daydreaming and analyzing myself to some degree. I kind of left the “gray” world for a while for the black and white world. Like, I love computer stuff, but it’s all very logical, right or wrong, kind of thing to me. It’s something you can control to some degree. Anyway, I’m losing my thought here…it’s just different. I feel like a teenager right now.

Which brings me to the other hand. I’m totally not sleeping. For a long time I always had trouble sleeping, even until after moving out here. My problem was that my mind would just go all night long. I told you about the sheep, right? Well, it’s kind of like that. So, now that my old self and new self are kind of merging, I’m getting back part of that racing thoughts, sleepless nights. I’m not so sure that is a good thing.

Yeah, this post probably made entirely no sense at all. I don’t care because I can’t sleep.