Crumpled Notebook

Preoccupied

I mentioned in my last post that I’ve been preoccupied this week with something. Now, I’m not going to write about it in detail here, but I did want to comment on a couple of aspects of it.

So, I’ve had this interest in something for quiet some time. It’s been a build up actually. Some (ahem, Ross) might even call is an obsession. Anyway, it’s been building up and in all honesty, I expected this very lackluster and boring moment of “oh, that’s it.” I was actually hoping for that too. But it wasn’t. It actually left me with a lot more questions and something new to obsess over. But the point here isn’t that.

Isn’t it interesting that usually when we are building up to something, we except the grand things? We prepare ourselves for the big finale and then when it isn’t quiet that, we’re let down and disappointed. Yet at the same time, when it’s just the opposite–when we want some plain white bread, we’re still not satisfied with what we got. Sometimes we shouldn’t be either. I know in my case, I shouldn’t be. I want my white bread. But, what I’m thinking is that usually when we build up to things, get ourselves worked up, etc…what we expect and the reality are usually very different.

No Internet

So, I apologize for doing two subjects here, but I don’t feel like posting two times. So, the question of the week, or the last few days anyway is, “Why are you going without internet?”

There isn’t some big answer. I mean, I’m addicted, but it’s not like I have any expectation of really changing my behavior. I will say that when the idea came was as I was checking my email for about the 10th time on my cell phone during my 45 minute drive to Santa Cruz on Tuesday night. So part of it was the fact that I know I’m attached and addicted to the internet. The other part is just that I think it would be an interesting challenge. In all honesty, I put off doing a lot of things I’d like to do because of it. I mean, I do other things in the evenings, but it’s always on. I never miss an email, poke, comment or whatever else.

(I think I hear an alarm going off in one of the buildings…sigh)

Here’s the weird part. I’m actually looking forward to next week. I mean, yes, it will be hard, but I’m looking forward to doing other things. I keep lining up things to do next week, so I’m hoping it will be a productive week for me. But yeah, I really am looking forward to it. Sometimes (rarely) I just turn off the computer and enjoy my time away from it. I think it’s probably like any other kind of addict that probably wants to break their addiction but isn’t motivated enough to just quit on their own. They enjoy their life without it, but just aren’t strong enough, or don’t think they are strong enough to break it. Obviously I’m not giving up internet completely. That would be insane anyway, but I am anxious to see what I do with my time next week and see what affect that ultimately has on my priorities. In all honesty, it’s probably the thing I put first in my life, not God, so hopefully He’ll use that time as well to do some work on me.