Crumpled Notebook

So the other day someone was talking about goals in life. I think it was Sunday School. Anyway, I hate those questions because everyone undoubtedly gets put on the spot, which is what happened this day. Now, if I was with my close friends having the conversation, it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but I hate answering questions like that in groups because frankly, my personal goals/life is not really anyone’s business unless I want it to be.

But anyway, it got me to thinking about my goals. I honestly couldn’t answer the question. Someone else had to answer it for me, and it was a casual, shallow kind of goal like “visiting all the baseball stadiums.” Yes, that is a goal for me, but not like a real or personal goal. It’s a fun goal, but not something that will really change the course of my life.

So I realized I don’t have goals (long term anyway). I’ve had a few in my life and met most of them, but right now, I have no goals. I know that seems strange for a 30 year old, but it’s true. I don’t have employment goals because I’m content with my job right now and anything further along the same lines would have to be a divine calling of the sorts. I’ve honestly never really seen myself as the family person. Like, I’ve never been able to picture myself as a 60 year old, married, with kids and grandkids. That seems so unappealing to me. So I don’t really have a goal to have kids or get married (although getting married is something I’d like to do, I wouldn’t be devasted if I didn’t). I don’t think about family or retiring or buying a house or going back to school or traveling the world, etc…. Not to say that I wouldn’t do any of that stuff, or possibly even want to at some point. I’m just saying it’s not a “goal” for me at this point.

So that’s it. I have no long-term goals in life. Does that make me a slacker? Or does that mean I don’t need to be constantly acheiving goals to find meaning? I don’t know the answers. I guess I just feel like I never pictured or planned my life much after college, so now I’m just in this state of “I’ve done the things I can do and it’s too late to do other things I wanted.” So now I’m just kinda here…Goal-less.